Pinned in the pool
It's 34 degrees and I'm dying for a swim. Our little
pool is ringed with a high wall on the street side and a high ivy covered wall
on the neighbours’ side, and totally private. Well, usually.
So I don't bother with a bathing costume. I strip off and leap into the
pool, paddling gently around in circles, enjoying the coolth, when
I hear a cheery greeting over the wall. Shoot! It's our elderly neighbour,
Eric. He's on a ladder and clipping the creeper, wearing a big white
cricketer's hat and huge smile.
He tells me loudly it's a lovely day for a swim. He says he wishes he could
join me.
I splash about furiously, generating camouflage bubbles and trying to keep the
conversation short.
I hear all the problems with his leg, his roof, his ancient motorcar.
I answer politely but soon I am actually getting quite cold and I wish he'd get
down off the ladder so I could bolt inside. He carries on talking for what
seems like hours.
As he says farewell he apologises for cutting the ivy crooked. He tells me he
broke his glasses last week and can't see beyond his nose.
Is Eric the supreme diplomat? I will never know!
Ginny Swart
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Name |
Comment |
Date |
|
Mandy |
he he
heee serves you right! I was swimming at Fish Hoek on Friday evening last week when a young girl and
her boyfriend swimming next to me started to panic. It transpired that she
had lost her bikini bottom in a wave. The poor girl was distraught. He was
rushing out to fetch a towel when some young guys on the beach indicated they
had found the brief. All the poor girl could worry about was whether anyone
had seen her. Points 5 - Perfect! This piece of writing, in my opinion, cannot be
improved! |
2008-02-05 |
|
James |
Perfect hey? Has there ever been
such a piece in literature? |
2008-02-05 |
|
Louis |
The human condition can be quite
hilarious when it comes to nakedness. I enjoyed this on several levels:
it's plausible, it's happened in various disguises and the writing is
consistent. In my eyes, perhaps too consistent. (Can there be such a thing?)
The count is 208 words according to my finger (LOL), not including the title;
and a little gremlin sticks out like a sore toe (all bandaged up and yearning
to be undressed): The last line. I would have liked to have seen
a smile on his face as he descended the ladder, and that would have forced my
imagination to ask the question, “Is Eric the supreme diplomat?” I will never
know or something close to this...try removing that
line. I'm sure your piece will be stronger for it. It might not,
but you be the judge of that, and if it doesn't work, trash my ideas. A
lovely piece. Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing |
2008-02-05 |