Four poems

Lonely Lady Listens

In a frozen room of locked-in time,
A careful mind of long years toil
Sits in an armchair, walls starkly bare.
Furniture and fittings speak the only lines
She has waited her life to hear.
Whispering phantoms crawl through hollow walls
Telling tales to her listening ears.

In the street below
A child screams a playful taunt to his mate -
To her ears it becomes a hidden bait.
Sparrows herald in the summer dusk -
To her ears it is the voice of forbidden lust.
Television unfolds its fact and fiction to the global hordes -
To her ears they are all
Her memories stored beneath the boards.

Hitch-hiker and I

Car stops
Heart leaps
With joy.

A ride
A lift
Has been given.

Who is he?
Who am I?
Questions asked.

No answers given
But time
Is passed.

Pass the joint
Have a beer
Give some cheer.

The travelers’ journey
On and on.


Forms

Cube, square
Rectangular.
No. That is not
What we are.

Sphere, circle
Round.
No. That is not
Where we're bound.

Tangents, touching
Lines.
That is
What we find.

All forms
Amorphous
Ever changing for the worst.
Bette then?
Or we
Are cursed.


Goodbye

You left too little
You left too much
Things around
Things to touch

I gave too little
I gave too much
Love hovered
You never touched

Ron Smerczak

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Name	Comment	Date
Louis	I look for several meanings, a hidden message perhaps, and pattern. I'm not a boffin on metre and form. Lonely Lady Listens Vivid imagery of a woman locked in loneliness.  The tone of voice is slower, deliberate, like your last stanza which rhymes. I felt that the importance of the poem is not in what you say, but in what you don't say.  You don't say if she is blind.  I read the piece several ways, and found the second stanza more compelling than the first.  Hitch-hiker and I I would remove the last two lines.  The scenario described in minimal words is an economy of form. I think we've all hitch-hiked in some form or the other in our lives, or past lives, so the scene was totally believable. Form The images in this geometric poem are vivid and dynamic, even with the full stops you seem to draw them into the human condition. Geometric design is a part of us.  Goodbye Is a piece with a quick pace and needs to be read without pause. I enjoyed it.  I see the fun you have in choosing your subject, and object, while writing poetry. You simply place yourself in the words.  Tell it as you see it.  Goodbye is never an easy experience. Everyone will identify with the nuances of love found and lost. I enjoyed reading your poetry.  Of course, as we are all wont to say, have fun with what you write. Respect Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-20
Mandy	Ron, so good to see you at poetry. I loved your poems. i like your use of metaphor. I particularly liked: - 'in a frozen room of locked in time' reminds me of my dear great aunt - "goodbye' it breathes regret Keep at it. Points 4 - Pretty close to perfect. I was captivated	2008-01-26
James	Loved the Hitch-hiker and thought the Goodbye poignant. Lonely Ladies went straight over my head. Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-28
James	Congrats. Drop me an e-mail when have a moment.	2008-02-15